Hi Brooke,
I am going to do my best to keep the details as conscience as I can, but would love your thoughts on how I can improve this situation. I think a lot is at play, but I am an only child, very close to my parents, and I think my parents of course want what is best for me, but I believe they fear potentially losing me. It wasn’t until 29 when I moved out, despite having inherited my grandparent’s house several years prior (I really believed they did not want me to leave). Growing up, my parents were strict. I may have tried it at age 2, but I learned NOT to rebel and never went through normal teen years of that. I knew I would be in serious trouble. No physical abuse, but a lot of control. Growing up I always believe they never wanted me having a bf (some of that may be my perception vs reality) but at age 18 they sat me down and told me they would not help me financially at all to go to the school I was accepted into if my current bf at the time went and I did not break up with him (I never got angry, angry at them, but broke up with him…perceiving a message that I wasn’t truly in control of my life). From the start my parents have “tested” my current boyfriend, always expecting that he should as the younger one (younger being 32) be trying to impress them and always be the one to say hi to them first. He’s offered to help my dad with remodeling my house numerous times and yet my dad hired someone to help him. This is just a tiny bit of it, but they believe he has disrespected them through their “tests” and therefore show him very little respect, which makes it even harder for him in interactions with them. Out of respect, he asked them for their blessing in marriage…. and they said no, and asked him to not tell me and that the “conversation” never happened. Oddly, I haven’t been able to feel “anger” despite my friends all saying I have every right to be, I have never felt anger easily. I have never felt from how I was raised that I can go “against” my parents and they’ve always tried to ingrain that they “are always right because of life experience” and “know what’s best.” I struggle with boundaries with them. I am trying to do model work and am not sure on how to create some more positive thought models that will help me in this situation. I would appreciate any guidance with this issue!!