Partner is a perfectionist


My partner creates so many unnecessary steps to accomplish any task because of his need to never make a mistake. He experienced a lot of abuse a child so I understand his need to control everything in his life.

Every time we try to do a home project he turns it into a very complicated issue. He has to research everything and it takes him forever to make a decision about anything. Then when we receive estimates for example they are never satisfactory to him and need more work from the vendor.
I can not move forward in these decisions without him. It is our home and he is usually the one financing the project. I feel frustrated every time we get in this situation.
This invades every aspect of our lives. From where we’re going on vacation to what wall paint color to buy.
I know we can not control another adult. So where do we go when their actions are controlling us.

I’ve tried several models. None of them totally got rid of the bad feeling.
C Todd said we need to call a landscape expert
T He has to make everything so complicated
F Annoyed
A Withdraw

T He is afraid of doing anything incorrectly
F Compassion

T He is a perfectionist and that’s ok
F Acceptance