I have a partner of 15 years,
I’m struggling mentally because I am the one (nearly always) earning the money.  I run my own business and I would not describe it as a stable income.

My partner has always struggled with self belief and has had a lot of money issues which, through coaching, aren’t so bad now.
He struggles to push himself and gets bored quickly , I get annoyed because I think it’s not essential that we enjoy our work every minute of the day.
He starts a new business, then gets bored and starts something else. I know this is a thought but I think he can be very lazy.

We have a joint business account even though we have separate businesses, but money nearly always gets split 50/50 and he doesn’t ever really acknowledge that I’m paying him out of money I have earned every month which he has done nothing for, and I feel very resentful.

The reason I don’t bring this up is out of fear, he has huge struggles with confidence and worthiness. I get so scared that if I say I’m not paying for you anymore he would go on a downward spiral with his mental health and could potentially harm himself. So I sit here working so hard and then feel secretly resentful, then I feel trapped scared and panicked.

I love him but I find it very hard to respect someone that doesn’t appear to be trying very hard to bring in money. If he was working hard everyday to build his business (and even if he wasn’t bringing in money just yet) I don’t think I would have an issue. Then I judge myself for judging him.

I tried doing models and just felt worse.  I tried to move to an intentional model but I just don’t believe it even with bridging thoughts

C I pay for the majority of bills, mortgage, outings
T I feel like I am financially responsible for him and everything else
F anxiety
A panic worry, try and broach subject then get scared and back out, feel trapped, get annoyed, ruminate, judge self
R I am financially responsible because I haven’t told him I don’t want to pay for everything anymore

intentional..
C I pay for the majority of bills, mortgage, outings
T I CAN LEARN THAT I only need to be financially responsible for myself…..
…….and then I feel like a massive bitch when I say this because if I have the money that month why don’t i just pay for everything ???
The point is many months I really struggle to find the money to pay for everything, and he has borrowed thousands from me and his parents over the years- none of which anyone has ever seen a penny back.

Despite all this he is the loveliest , kindest person, but I feel trapped and afraid that I will be stuck like this forever, living in fear that I will upset him and he will harm himself because I tell him he needs to take financial responsibility for himself.