Hi Brook,

I have a hard time sometimes dealing with passive aggressive people. I’m at work now doing the model and changing my thoughts but for some reason I’m still mad. What do you do when you know your “thought” is right and to try and change the “thought” to make my feelings better doesn’t seem to work. I’m a school nurse and I NEED to know when my back up is out of office.
C – My back up leaves the office without telling me.
T- She knows very well; tells everyone else except me; she is a control freak and although we “get along” we are not close
F- pissed off, hurt, angry
A- make a big deal; tell my prinicple; ignore her
R- Our relationship is worse than it was before.

Now if I choose to change my thought

C – my back up leaves without telling me
T- I need to learn and understand passive aggressive behavior
F- be more compassionate for twisted sick people (lol) and stop being sarcastic even tho I’m still mad
A- Train two more people as back up and let her know she can’t mess with me
R – Feel so much better….eventually

I guess it does help for a certain amount of time and although I feel someone better because I’m in control, I need to let it go which is very very very hard for me to do because I deal with so many passive aggressive family members as well. I struggle with people that say one thing but their actions say another. Would the second model be appropriate?