Past Is Haunting Me


Hi coach,

Every year my family travels to the same place in the Caribbean on holiday. When I was much younger, years before I met my husband, I was friends with a local guy on the island and we would hang out from time to time while I was on vacation. At one point, we slept together. I have NO feelings for this guy whatsoever now (this was like 15 years ago) and feel a lot of shame that I slept with him in the first place since he was quite a bit older than me. My family still visits this island every year and I sometimes run into the guy and we exchange pleasantries. My husband, who now comes with us on these trips, has met him in passing too.

Randomly, throughout the year I have this sudden urge to tell my husband that I slept with this guy when I was young. There is literally no upside to me telling him this – I think it would taint future trips to this island and make my husband a bit sad or uncomfortable for no reason. I have never lied to my husband about this (he’s never asked) and I didn’t even know my husband when I was involved with this guy for a very short time – plus, I have no urge to tell him about other guys in my past. It is just this one. It’s almost like an OCD feeling that consumes me – and I actually think it would be selfish to tell him. I try to think thoughts like “you are allowed to keep parts of your past private” or “telling him does not create the result you want” but for some reason it keeps coming back. It feels like a thought error. Can you help?