So, thought-work is fascinating, hard and effective.
I started in March
By July I was finally able to allow and dissolve very painful self-talk (just like urges). This is major. The painful self talk was like buffering, covering up for “true” painful thoughts from circumstances.
By September I was able to actively and routinely control the direction of my thoughts. (Yay)
I am now still learning sooo sooo much about what my thoughts do, moment by moment, like a pinball machine randomly striking surfaces-actively and seeking a response that will give some kind of reward moment by moment. I watch myself get anxious, I watch myself worry, and I watch myself judge and judge again- I had no idea I am so judgmental-of others and myself. And the feelings…
I am still trying to find me the thoughts that serve me best for my circumstances. Mostly, right now, I hunger for everything to be neutral: allowing everything to be as it is, letting myself and people be exactly as they are, and allowing myself to be safe with my thoughts.
This month and next month I want to re-evaluate my current belief systems and go-to thoughts and take another look at what is working and what is not working. And to seek more thoughts that cherish living and bring fun and joy. Drop the problem solving for a while.
And I hope to relax into them for a while. This is very strenuous work-requires such persistence, diligence- but so worth it. The new cycles ebb and flow.
Thank you for everything, you are helping me a lot, so much… and I hope to be in great thought-shape by next February 🙂 I am in it to win it
See you in February for Master Class