Hi coaches,

I have this model:
C – other people (not my immediate family)
T – they dont like me
F – sad
A – avoid them (in my mind they are already rejecting me so i don’t like to have a concrete evidence of them rejecting me that’s why i avoid them), dont make efforts to connect with them
R – i do things that i think will make them dislike me more.

On the other hand, i people please them. And this is my model on this:
C – other people (not my immediate family)
T – i want them to like me
F – desperate (??); needy (??)
A – people please, avoid voicing my own opinion as it might contradict them and anger them and they’ll think im stupid, agree with them almost always, do things they ask me to do even if i dont like it
R – ?? Dont feel authentic? I feel like a fraud? (Pls help with my R here)

My question is why do i still like to people please them for them to like me when i believe so much the first thought that they dont like me, i.e., whatever i do they will still not like me. My answer is that i want to have friends i can talk to, go out with, do things together with. i dont want to feel isolated, i want to feel connected, and this will make me happy. And the only way to do that is to make people to like me and people please.

But it seems to me that im just going round and round in this loop like a dog chasing its own tail. And im not getting anywhere near where i want to be 🙁 these thoughts (or thought patterns) also creates a feeling of despression and loneliness and hopelessness in me.

Hope you can help me on this. Thank you.