People Don’t (often) Come to Me


Hello,
I am listening to a training that asked “What do people come to you for?”  I had a number of thoughts and feelings – kind of like a tree.

It seems like a fact that I must be unlovable because I am not being loved (though I have been loved in the past).  And unworthy, because I am not being sought out (which is not entirely true, some people do occasionally seek me out, but I was focusing on the greater amount of time they do not).

I did these models and that seemed somewhat helpful, but it still just seems a fact at the end of the day that I am not being loved or cared for (deeply, lots of superficial care), and that reflects something inherently wrong and defective about me that can never be changed and I’m kind of a hopeless case.

It seems this way despite what some might view as professional success – from the outside, but going through an awful divorce that is shaking everything for me right now.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

C: Listening to training – asks what do people come to you for
T: No one comes to me for anything.
F: Defeated
A: Ruminate on how I’m not good enough, everyone is better than me, feel irritable toward all the world for not being more supportive and understanding, caring, disappointed in myself for not being a more stellar person, think of a couple times people have come to me for something. Think of how I don’t put out the word or vibes of someone to come to. Think of how my friends do talk with me. Think about how my mom never really cared for me and it must be I am still craving care. Think this is pitiful. Feel sorry for self.
R: I’m not coming to myself?

C: Listening to training – asks: what do people come to you for?
T: No one comes to me for anything.
F: Lonely.
A: Similar thoughts, and no one wants me, likes me, really cares about me. Remind myself of numerous friends, then remind self of broken marriage and that though I have many friends, when I feel really down I don’t feel comfortable calling many of them.
R: I’m not supporting myself?

C: Listening to training – asks: what do people come to you for?
T: I’m no good
F: Hopeless
A: Want to lay in bed. Keep doing the things on my list because I don’t have a choice, no one will do them but me and my life and my children’s live will fall apart if I don’t.
R: ???

C: R line reads “I’m not supporting myself.”
T: I don’t deserve support.
F: Pitiful
A: I think about how I don’t deserve love, care and affection. I see ways I set myself up to not receive love care and affection. I feel sad and tell myself I want love and care and affection and why wouldn’t I deserve it. Then I tell myself I am getting exactly what I deserve, so I must not deserve love care and affection because I am not getting enough.
R: ??

F: Hopeless
A: Seek support and care, either in actuality, or in my mind wish for it and feel sad if/when it’s not coming and that it’s not enough when it does come. I don’t work on my courses, promote myself, etc.
R: I am not encouraging anyone to come to me.

C: I feel sad and think I have no one to talk to, no one cares. Then some friends bring soup/food.
T: That is really nice, but no one is really with me and no one can really help me.
F: Hopeless
A: Think about how I don’t have a partner right now and my partner is being mean to me and my life sucks and I can’t escape it, and I have no one.
R: ?I’m not with me? ?I’m not helping myself?

C: I feel sad and think I have no one to talk to, no one cares. Then some friends bring soup/food.
T: That is really nice, but no one is really with me and no one can really help me.
F: Lonely
A: Wallow, try to find something else to do. Listen to inspirational talks, podcasts, learning to try to shift my frame of mind. Call a friend. Text a friend. Play a word game. Go for a walk, listening to something or calling someone.
R: I’m not sure the result here. These actions seem more as if they are being with myself or helping myself. Maybe I’m not fully feeling the loneliness???