So, I know I’m not supposed to use the idea of manuals against people. But my family has a Manual of how I should behave and I’m not behaving that way and they are upset.
Since I’m not going to educate them on the spot about Manuals, I put this in a model…
C – Family thinks I should behave a certain way but I disagree.
T – My family is creating their own suffering but holding me responsible.
F – Resentful
A – In my head, think about how they should behave instead (LOL, my own manual!) but ultimately communicate to them that I accept how they think and feel.
R – Ongoing frustration and resentment. Tension in these relationships. Fear of what will happen to my (previously decent) relationships with them. Frustration at their lack of emotional management and ability to have a calm conversation.
It seems like a different T line could be to just accept how my family feels and acts, but that leads me to great sadness about the new tension and distance in our relationships. It feels kind of devastating. Maybe they are feeling that way too. Anyways, I’m not sure where to go with this.