C Sister has sent zero text messages since Sunday
T She’s mad at me for some reason
F Urge to reach out and “fix it”
A Reach out, ask if she’s mad, keep checking to see if she has been online or has texted back, watch her instagram stories, I am not present in my own life
R I don’t allow the urge and keep living a live full of people pleasing where I’m afraid people are mad at me all the time
Okay, so I can really see that this is an urge. I can handle it the same way I allowed urges when I lost weight in SO. So, I know that I can handle urges.
A new model is:
C sister has sent zero text messages since Sunday
T I can allow this urge just the same as I allowed for urges to eat
A Allow the urge, learn from it, move on
R I allow the urge
So I see that I CAN in fact allow the urge. This I know. BUT, I’m afraid that if I don’t reach out and try to fix it, that I’m going to be all alone. It will be proven that I have finally pissed her off enough to leave me. You see, many of my relationships feel on the rocks, and I often feel like people are mad at me. So I have blamed myself my whole life, and now I have a superficial life. Am I supposed to not be concerned if people are mad at me? I actually don’t feel badly about what I said, I think it was reasonable. But I think she’s stewing at me, in secret, and I’m afraid that I’m going to lose all my friends and family if I actually just stop people pleasing them. I guess that’s another model.
C Humans exist in my network
T I will lose all my friends and family if I stop people pleasing them
A Urges to fix everything, call them, always be texting, figuring out what they want and trying to provide it, blaming myself, not fully living, living in a constant state of anxiety
R I have no real friends and waste my life people pleasing
But then I also think that NOBODY will like me if I’m not people pleasing
C Humans exist in the world
T Nobody will like me if I’m not people pleasing
A Continue people pleasing
R I don’t like me if I’m people pleasing
I guess I’m just not totally sure what to do with this. Please help.