People pleasing vs. Honesty with Yourself


This mentality is coming up in my self coaching: “Considering this is what the situation is…” then I choose…
I want to check my reasons and make sure I’m not people pleasing with my daughters.

C: Daughters are on competitive dance team.
10 trips per week, 15+ minutes each way.
5+ hours driving them in the car.
Half of those before 5pm.
I work.
My husband works.
Daughter said “I really want to do dance team.”
T: I am willing to drive them 12 trips a week.
F: Committed
A: Enjoy my time when I am with them. Listen to podcasts, or music they enjoy. Talk to them about their day. Schedule clients at times when I am not “scheduled” to drive.
R: I will drive them 12 trips per week.

Here are my reasons for them doing dance:
Because they want to.
Because they will become an expert at dance with 12-17 hours a week there.
It will open up opportunities (community/friends, maybe a job someday if they choose).
Being on the competitive team will evolve them as people.
They get out of school at 2:30-3:30 and could either go to daycare, dance, or I could supervise them (they refuse to do chores – not my idea of a fun afternoon).
I would have loved this opportunity.

So, considering that I have daughters and they want to dance, I choose to drive them. If I were purely doing what I wanted, I would let them go to daycare and pick them up at 6, I think…except I might choose dance because I think dance team requires more from them and it evolves them more.

I am willing to drive them 12 trips, and I would like my husband to drive them 10. He might do it, but it’s possible he will do it resentfully. His words were “my time is worth $___ an hour” and “driving in the car 10 hours a week isn’t me living my best life.” His solution is just hire a driver.

I would also prefer not to prep dinner for them before dance and make sure they have all their dance stuff in the car and fix their hair. I would prefer not to do all the dishes and cooking and picking up the house. “Just hire someone to do it” is his opinion. But then we would not see our kids till 8pm. And it takes effort to train someone to do what I do.

How did this play out last year? I drove my daughters to dance, gymnastics, and piano. My younger daughter wanted to be on the competitive gymnastics team, and one day just refused to go and had a meltdown and would not go. I thought “I was willing to drive you, but I would not have taken that time away from building my business to drive you if you were just going to quit.”

So if that happened again this year, I would feel similarly. However, I am planning on just making them push through, feel the emotions, and compete with the team. My mom never encouraged us to be “finishers” and I think it would be a good skill to develop.

I would love feedback on what you see here in terms of which parts of this situation might be people pleasing vs. “considering that I have daughters who get out of school in the afternoon, I choose ____ so I’m just going to tell myself the truth about that.”