Thank you so much – your answer really helped me see that in fact my feeling was anger and that my actions were coming from that.
I then had thoughts like “This is my fault, I should have seen the signs” “I should never have relied upon them” leading to feelings of Shame. This led to disempowered behaviours and trying to control/ manipulate the other person.
Below is the thought I would like to have in an IM:
C- Colleague doesn’t do work by mutually agreed deadline
T – I can always rely on me
F – (at the moment) Fear
A – Distract from taking the action not the problem (e.g. buffering/ avoiding colleague), judge myself for not taking action, talk about it with friends etc. Do multiple models/ reach out to coaches, confusing communications with colleague (e.g. swing between giving them more time and putting foot down)
R – I don’t show up for myself
I know that this thought “I can always rely on me” will give me so much power in these situations, as there is always a loving and fair way to deal with it.
I’m trying laddering thoughts e.g. “I believe that it’s possible to have my own back”. But can’t seem to get there. It seems the anger and corresponding victim feelings/ actions are strong. And the fear around having to have my own back is strong. Any advice on working towards that intentional model?