I am going on a trip and am finding myself obsessing over getting the perfect photos or the perfect TikTok video transitions.
The story I am telling myself is that if I get these perfect, maybe I’ll go viral and become famous and this can kickstart my business. I envision everybody loving need for exactly who I am, I’m loved by everyone and I will finally be fulfilled.
The thoughts are things like “I have to get this right” or “I have to get this perfect”.
T: if I make the perfect TikTok videos maybe I will get famous and I will finally get the recognition I deserve!!
F: pressure / anxiety
A: I obsessively research how to do these transitions, I make folders on my phone, I learn how to do the right poses and how to instruct my boyfriend to hold the camera. I am lost in thought, not fully enjoying the trip. I am totally attached to the outcome of my TikTok videos and am not doing them for fun anymore.
R: I try to make perfect videos, I don’t have fun, I set myself up for discouragement if my action doesn’t produce the result I want.
I can see that being attached to the outcome here is going to hinder me. On one hand, I do think I can become TikTok famous. But I don’t want to be famous and completely contingent on external approval.
There’s part of me that just thinks that TikTok videos are fun. I like being creative, it feels good to me.
I see that I have a whole bunch of beliefs that need to be unpacked, about being famous, about external approval, about finally getting what I feel I deserve.
I think I can give that to myself now.
Q: what would I get to believe if everybody liked my videos and I went viral?
A: I would feel like I was good enough. I am awesome. I am absolutely awesome!!! I am worth it!! I have so much value!! I belong in this world!!
That is what I would think.
Where do I go from here? Do I do some thought ladders to begin to believe these things?
If I believed these things I would still make TikTok videos because I think they’re fun and I like expressing myself creatively.
Open to feedback on where to go from here!