Perfectionism fantasies of 100% discipline

I realise I have a thought “I must be 100% disciplined to achieve my goals.” Nothing short of that is good enough. I make it mean that once I achieve this level of discipline, I can do anything. I will have full power over myself. And underneath there was a story of somewhere I had created this belief to avoid hurt and pain and also a response to my parents – that I will show them what I can do. Since every time I got amazing ( but less grades than my cousin of the same age) – they never appreciated it. So I felt like if I have to appreciate myself, my efforts have to “score” 100%. Once I do that, I will give myself permission to feel – Proud.

Intellectually I know I have the option available right now to feel that way about myself. But my brain is very attached to the thought that “I am not ( 100%) disciplined”.