Phrasing my goal

Hi–I’m accepting that my impossible goal should probably be a weight loss goal. My brain however is spooking me with thoughts like “If you write down that you want to weigh 165 lbs by 12/31/2019 then you’ll probably get some hideous illness that will whittle your weight down.” I can even picture myself in the hospital bed on New Year’s Eve going “Yep, here I am. Skinny. In a hospital.” Gosh my brain is nuts. I’ve never even been sick like that.

Actually I don’t care about the number on the scale. I want a weight that doesn’t weigh me down….I don’t want to have to check the weight restriction for ziplining, for riding the donkey to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, for the folding chair. I don’t want to wish people would come to my office bc I’m too tired to walk to the far end of the building. I don’t want to stop doing things bc of my weight and achy joints. I want to be flexible and light and able to physically do the activities I want to do. I want to live in a healthy, right-sized body. How can I phrase and measure that goal?