Pipe Dreams

I love what I do for work currently. However, I don’t like that there is a ‘ceiling’ on how much I can earn from my employer no matter how much or little I contribute. Although I’m saving for retirement, I intend to do meaningful work the rest of my life. Above all else, I really want to be able to work from anywhere in the world. That is my pipe dream! So I got to thinking about how I could take what I love from what I currently do and find a way to consult with organizations, coaching and developing teams. I’m obsessed with entrepreneurial work, not because I want to have my own business, but because I love taking things in the world and upgrading them….whatever it is – people, processes, teams, etc. The problem is working independently as a consultant will likely require me to create my own business and that scares the shit out of me. Here’s my model:

C: Realize dream of becoming an independent coach consultant with the freedom to work from anywhere in the world
T: It’ll be impossible for me to work on my own
F: Fear
A: Spin in the How, Don’t make the time to work on the small steps, and when I do I half-ass it, Tell myself only special people achieve those impossible goals, Look at the statistics of failed start-ups, Tell myself it’ll be a waste to spend the money on building my business, I will make a fool of myself and be out on the street, I Catastrophize: if I lose all my money and out on the street, then it will be a downward spiral, Question: ‘who am I’ to waltz into a business and turn it around – I don’t really know how, what do I do about health insurance – what if I get sick and can’t make money.
R: Proving it to be impossible (notice I do things to get in my own way of realizing dream)

I can see it’s my thought causing the fear. And I understand fear doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It seems fear is showing up in this model as a protector, but I really want to leverage the ‘thrilling’ side of fear. It all comes down to my thought. The way I’m thinking about the situation seems to drive me to actions that appear to be related to lack of self-confidence – as if I have an inability to create something (notice Questioning, Castrophizing, Convincing in the A line). Not quite sure what’s happening. We have a section on impossible goals, but impossible doesn’t seem to motivate me in this scenario. When I think about my T line…what comes up for me is – “Can you imagine the person you would become after realizing that dream?”. It stops there, cause my answer is ‘someone badass’, which doesn’t really get me anywhere in the model.