Planning for Rejection and Embarrassment


In a previous ask a coach submission, my coach pointed out ways in which I avoid feeling potential embarrassment ( in the area of intimate relationships) by rejecting myself ahead of time and feeling depressed, sad, and perturbed. My subsequent actions revolved around avoiding dating altogether. It’s clear to me that I’ve used avoidance, self-rejection, depression to buffer potential embarrassment and rejection I’ve customarily experienced in the past. I’ve been failing ahead of time.

I’ve been asking myself what if I expected to feel embarrassed and rejected through the dating process? What if I planned for embarrassment and rejection ahead of time?

I’ve been approaching my love life through the lens of “how can I prevent pain”, thinking that I can have a minimal rejection/minimal embarrassment dating experience. Instead of accepting the reality that dating love and sex, like every other part of life, is going to be 50-50. The result is I have lots of stops and starts with dating and don’t show up for it and myself consistently. I don’t experience flow in my dating life.

My newer line of thinking is a much more empowered approach and I’d like to keep going down this empowered lens. Thank you for your feedback.