I gave into an urge yesterday and today I feel guilt and shame. I woke up yearning for alone time. I tried all morning to get my kids to be quiet so I could watch the Overeating Workshops. I was getting extremely annoyed when they would not listen to me. I did multiple models, kept trying to work through it. Once my husband was able to watch the kids, I had it in my head that he would take over and I would get the time to myself that I wanted. I wanted him to stay with them while I worked by myself downstairs. He didn’t want to do this, and I realize that I cannot control him. I wound up in my room by myself. I tried to focus again and was interrupted. I was so mad at the point that I gave up and started drinking beer. This was at noon. I instantly felt relief from the anxiety. I walked to the store to purchase more beer and continued to drink once I returned. In the moment I felt great. As always when I drink during the day, my husband and I argue. I realize that my thoughts about my morning created the feelings which turned into me doing what my brain has been programmed to want and do, to drink. I am ashamed because this resulted in me not being present and getting the things I wanted to accomplish done. I want to prepare myself for the next time this occurs. Am I doing the model correctly? What more can I do to prepare for the next time I feel I need to escape?

Unintentional model

C Sunday is one of my days off from work (not sure if this is the correct circumstance to use)
T Why can’t I just have some time to myself.
F intense anxiety, feeling out of control.
A Give up and drink to escape
R Feeling terrible, ashamed. Did not accomplish what I wanted to do.

Intentional model

C Sunday is one of my days off from work
T there will be times where having uninterrupted time alone is unrealistic.
F understanding that my kids are young and this is normal.
A Be present with them. schedule time alone for myself when it is realistic.
R Kids feel attended to, I schedule the time for myself and follow through.