Please Don’t Run My Life for Me or You’re TOO Close


An acquaintance/friend has begun taking on solving my “problems “ without my asking. I put problems in quotes because they’re things she thinks should be fixed. I was talking out loud about an issue with my assistant one day last week. Then I received a voicemail last night from this friend which said she’d been trying to find me a new assistant but the person she spoke to has questions she can’t answer about what I’m looking for.

I was floored because I’m not looking for a new assistant and I certainly didn’t ask her to find one for me. This isn’t an isolated instance.

It feels like she’s a helicopter mom (even though I’m ten years older than her). I was on a business trip last month and she texted me the night before, “Have a good trip. You’ve got this!” Then while at baggage claim, “You should have arrived by now. How was the flight?” Then later, “How’s the Airbnb?” It’s beyond friendly and I’m finding myself pulling away because I don’t know how to navigate this anymore.

She’s the one who is always overly available, offering her “emotional support & encouragement” without being asked and looking for ways to insert herself into my life.

I’m certain I have blind spots about how I contributed to the creation of this dynamic and I’ve certainly allowed it to continue unaddressed for too long because I just haven’t known what to even call this. I don’t want to cut off contact with her but I really need to right the imbalance in this friendship.