Plenty of Time but no Stamina for Monday Hour One (Thinking it all out…)

I found Monday Hour One before I discovered Scholars, and it’s why I joined Scholars! I knew Monday Hour One was a brilliant approach and I knew I would have so many emotional obstacles to implementing it. Here is what I’ve learned. I have all these thoughts and beliefs in my head that I assume are facts, and I don’t know where to begin dismantling/questioning them:

Only naturally organized people can do this.
I can’t follow a schedule for a day — expecting myself to do this for a week is just ridiculous.
I am so incredibly bad at scheduling. This is for athletes and I’m barely learning to walk.
When I keep to my schedule for the first half of the day, I need to relax for the rest of the da
I would be exhausted and burnt out actually doing all these things in a week.
I need a lot of downtime.

Feelings: Unmotivated, lazy, overwhelmed, resistant, anxious…
Actions: Get online, watch Netflix, nap, chat with friends, read, consume Scholars content, play with the cat
Results: Doing well at work, but not exercising. Exercising and cooking healthy meals but blowing off work. Cleaning the house but not exercising.

I also feel ashamed of these thoughts. So many Scholars and Coaches are mothers and entrepreneurs both. I am on my own. I have no excuse not to do more. But here’s the backstory. Ten years ago I was deeply, painfully depressed, but I had no choice but to go to work and school in that state. No one cared, no one would take care of me while I recovered from my physical and mental illness and I had no savings and no insurance. I did this for years on end, wishing I was dead.

Now that things are better, I remember pushing myself, and doing work I don’t feel like doing, as part of a deeply painful unfulfilling life and don’t want to return to it.

I refuse to push myself like that again
I resent people who never had to go through that — people who took time off, were supported by spouse or parents while ill or depressed. Don’t I deserve a break now?
If I don’t have to, I don’t want to
I enjoy doing as little as possible. I shouldn’t have to do anything outside of my job. If I put in 8 hours, I should order in food and spend the rest of day in front of the TV or computer.
I don’t want to waste all day on chores and errands
I can’t put in a full day of work, workout, do errands and chores AND cook dinner AND cleanup — there will be not one minute just to relax!
I don’t have the mental or physical stamina other people do.

Feelings: Resentful, resistant, angry, annoyed,
A: Do a little as I can get away with
R: Messy house, 50 pounds overweight, not doing my absolute best at work, always thinking about what I SHOULD be doing

I’ve heard on some calls that Monday Hour One is FOR US, not something to make ourselves do, but I can’t grasp it yet.

What results do I actually want? Why can’t I find out? It took me awhile to realize that Monday Hour One was a way to meet goals, and get the results we want. I just had it as a scheduled task list of things I was putting off.

What Results do I want?

*Four hours of downtime/free time every day where I’m not worried about what I “should” be doing or what’s due next (4 hrs).
*Time with friends (either online, phone or in person) (part of free time)
*Bringing my A game to work (9 hrs)
*Time to Exercise (1 hr per day)
*A clean and comfortable house with all laundry put away, clean dishes, vacuumed rugs, fresh sheets on the bed every week, and no piles of paper (I have no idea how many hours this is per day)
*Weight loss (need time to plan meals, grocery shop, cook clean — I have no idea how much time this is per day)
Sleep, 8 hours

4+9+1+8 = 22

WOW. This leaves 2 hours per day to spend on cooking and cleaning! And 18 more hours on the weekend!!! This seems almost impossible! I wonder what I am missing?? I guess I won’t know until I try this new schedule out.