Plugged It In The Model, Felt Better, But Now Pissed [On Politics]

Hi Brooke,

Before I ask this question, I want to say that I wasn’t a fan of this past election, neither was I a fan or supporter of either candidates. So please don’t assume or judge me by this situation… not that you would, but just saying.

Okay so last week, a dear, dear friend and I had a discussion about a variety of topics—-religion, relationships, food, politics, etcetera. What I appreciate about our friendship is how transparent and deep we allow each other to go without filter. So we got into a discussion on politics, I respect and understand that we all have different beliefs, world views, and opinions. However, what irritated me throughout portions of the conversation is that my friend was very vocal of being against one side politically vs. another. For example, she’d say, “God, I hate Hillary. She’s just pure evil. I can’t stand those dumb liberals, etcetera.” Now, don’t get me wrong I get that there are extremists in all groups— conservatives, liberals, Christians, atheists, poor, rich, etcetera. But it really pissed me off at first—not because I’m a liberal, I’m not—but because the perspective wasn’t equal. Another example, she’d say, “I just don’t like how they are making fun of Melania’s accent. That just irritates me so much.” And my response was, “I don’t have cable (—to imply I hadn’t heard that), but yea making fun of the first lady and the first family is wrong. It was wrong when they did it to Michelle Obama and Sasha & Malia, and it’s wrong with Melania and Barron.” She didn’t agree, and couldn’t really recall the media making fun of Michelle Obama. Anyway, long story short—she ranted passionately, and I agreed with portions, and didn’t agree with other portions.

I love my friend so much. She’s an incredible individual, and I do understand why she voted the way she did. In her own words, Donald Trump reminded her of her father. Plus, she grew up in a really racist town/upbringing when she was younger (her words not mine).

And I get she’s changed (obviously, or we wouldn’t be friends), we all tend to make decisions based on some parallel connection from our upbringing. (EX: Women tend to end up with men like their dads. If she had an abusive/alcoholic/cheating dad or kind/faithful/consistent dad she usually ends up with a guy like how her first example of what a man was to her. Of course, every generation can improve and patterns/cycles can be broken, but that’s usually how it works without therapy & doing the inner work.)

Like I said, I get that and I’m not mad at her, I just want to get rid of the irritation in my brain over the thought of it all.

So after still being bothered by this past conversation, I decided to free myself and plugged it into the model:

Unintentional Thought Pattern
C: Friend voted for Donald Trump.
T: Ugh. She voted for a racist.
F: Anger
A: Rehearse objections in conversation.
R: Not focused on productive, revenue-generating activities.

Intentional Thought Pattern
C: Friend voted for Donald Trump.
T: She chose the best option from her perspective.
F: Peace
A: Head down and back to completing my to do list.
R: Focused on productive, revenue-generating activities.

I was proud of myself for not resisting/ignoring this thought, and I felt better for several hours, but the next day and days following and I’m still bothered. Hmm… not sure why? Usually I can nip whatever in the bud real quick and move forward. Maybe I need to be coached live on this. Any feedback would be appreciated.