Podcast 165 workbook question: Perfect partner?


Hi Brooke-

I just finished completing the questions for this week’s podcast & really need your coaching on question #8: What do you imagine your perfect partner to be? What would you think about them?

I answered that my perfect mate would be my husband, just with an altered physique that is not at all possible for him to ever achieve (men in their 40’s tend not to grow 6″ taller suddenly). Through thoughtwork, I’ve discovered that my thinking about his physique feeds my lack of desire. I have sat blankly with a model where the F line is “desire” and I can not come up with a believable thought that feels good other than “I want to find him desirable.” Wanting it is great, but it doesn’t equate feeling desire/attraction. When I focus on all the other positives (of which I can fill a page front and back b/c he really is a fabulous man) they all get negated by the thought , “I am disappointed when he hugs me…its better I avoid it.” I think this would make a great coaching call question b/c I think it goes deeper, but out of respect for my husband I would prefer to keep it anonymous. Any suggestions for thoughts I can use to jumpstart my brainstorming on desire? Is there value at all in talking about this with him? I’ve let go of my manual for him this month and it has been fabulous as all my passive agressive actions have come to near extinction. The biggest exception is this ridiculous condition that I can’t wrap my head around, and until I do it will be in the way of our marriage. Thanks in advance for the coaching!