I’m having some drama about a poke bowl I had for dinner.
C poke bowl
T rice is high in calories and is going to make me fat
F urge to count calories
A count calories in poke bowl
R stay in the counting calories diet mentality
Then, this follows…
C Poke bowl has 1000 calories
T Oh my god I’m going to gain weight
A Ruminate, criticize myself, body checking in mirror, think “I feel fat”, question if my protocol needs to remove rice, think thoughts like “I hate my body”, I want to restrict or fast to compensate (I don’t)
R: I stay in the diet cycle and ultimately gain weight
C Body exists
T I feel so fat right now
F Anxious, panicked
A Criticize body, resist the feeling of being present in my body, don’t focus or plan or troubleshoot. Victim mentality
R Stay in the diet/overeat cycle
So, I can clearly see that none of those thoughts are helpful.
For an intentional model, I’m not too sure where to start. I wonder if I should focus on “Rice is high in calories and it’s going to make me fat”, since this really does show that I’m still using calories as an indicator of whether I’ve been “good or bad”.
I guess the way I want to feel about food is that all food is a C, food is all neutral, and I get to decide how to think about it. I THINK what I want is for my action to be that I don’t count calories, and I pay attention to my body instead.
C Rice consumed
T Interesting that I seem to eat rice more quickly than other foods, I’m curious what my body has to say about it
A Pay attention to my body, see how it feels on the inside, consider potentially experimenting without white rice, or possibly only having white rice once a week. What I do know is that I don’t feel as good when I eat takeout, even if it’s healthy, but I also think that might be because I don’t think calories are neutral. I do think some foods are good and bad, and that high calories is bad and low is better. Actually, I think I can’t even get a clear answer on whether my body likes rice or not because my brain is all caught up in thinking about calories. Maybe I work on neutralizing my mind when it comes to calories? I can work on this in a similar way to working with the scale.
I’m open to feedback, but I think I’ll do some models on calorie counting. Cause if someone was like oh hey, that poke bowl only had 500 calories, amazing, eh? I wouldn’t feel bad in my body anymore.