Polyamorous Dating: Efficient or Disaster in the Making?


I recently started dating after being married for 12 years. I’ve met someone I really like who is recently divorced. Neither of us are ready to completely commit to just one another and be exclusive – not wanting to jump from one marriage right into another. However, he is taking the approach of polyamorous dating. Which means he essentially has 3 girlfriends all at the same time (myself being one of them). He is developing physical and emotional relationships with each of us. I find myself hating this situation. Some of the thoughts that my brain is telling me surrounding this are: “He must just not like you enough to want to date only you”, “The other people he’s dating must be better or more desirable in some way”, “Maybe he is just a jerk who is using all of us for sex and we are letting it happen”, I must not be enough for him, or he wouldn’t be willing to risk losing me”. I’m unclear on whether I just need to change my thinking to make this situation palatable for myself or whether this is something I SHOULD be upset about and possibly dumps him. He says that he ultimately wants a partnership with just one person which is what I am looking for in the long run as well. I find myself having a really hard time knowing whether this is something I should just go with the flow on and hope for the best. I find myself wanting to know ahead of time if I will be the person he will choose when the time comes. As of right now, when I’ve asked him about his feelings, he insists that he doesn’t like any one of us more than the others and that he couldn’t possibly choose between us…

He is fine with me also dating other people, but I find that I struggle with even wanting to. Once I’m sexually intimate with someone, I find that my desire to go out and develop another relationship with someone else is non-existent. On top of that, I would feel guilty doing to someone else the thing (polyamorous dating) that I’m not particularly enjoying – it feels unethical.