I’m disappointed in myself. I’ve gone so long without porn that I genuinely thought I would never be interested in it again. I watched it twice this week. It started off with a subtle desire to see pictures, then pictures turned into videos.

I feel kind of hypocritical. I’ve helped my clients stop watching porn and succeed as well as myself, but maybe I found a blind spot. I want to be at a point in my life where I know I will never watch it again. For the quality of life I want, it’s just not worth it. Part of me is beating myself up yet there’s a part of me that knows beating myself up never works.

I wish I didn’t do it. My brain is in such a fog today cause of it. I feel guilty for making videos and tutorials on it in the past and I broke my own integrity twice this week. I was hoping I could get some support from my scholars tribe.