I am noticing a pattern in my intentional models over the past 2 weeks: many of the positive emotions that I want to feel seem on some level to be rooting in wanting to feel “in control”.

When this has to do with things that purely relate to me (for example, my ability to get a bunch of stuff done on my to-do list), it seems good/fine. However, I am seeing this same tendency in circumstances that involve my interactions with other people (for example, my job search or not feeling annoyed/hurt when someone says something offensive). For these, I think my wanting to feel in control of myself is starting to warp into wanting to feel control over a situation.

Does this make sense, and am I correct in thinking that how i want to feel in the interpersonal situations is really counterproductive? If so, how can I adjust my intentional models so that I am not reinforcing a drive for cotnrol?