Dear Brooke,
I know you have mentioned in your book that you have studied Eckhard Tolle so I’m assuming you are familiar with the term pain body. Ie. how we can become practically altered beings, turn downright demon possessed when the pain body is activated. This happens to me in my relationship. Through my work with Byron Katie, and mindfulness meditation and now your fantastic model, I have gotten much, much better at taking a step back and processing inwardly instead of lashing out. But I still find that there are times when my partner will do something so infuriating that I lose it before I have a chance to process maturely. Once I am “possesed” by the pain body I am so angry and so self-righteous and I lose all capacity to see that I am responsible for my own state no matter how much I was provoked by outer circumstances. I know this is exactly the work that I’m here to do, the hardest of the hardest work for me: To be triggered on my most vulnerable issues and still be able to stay calm and loving toward myself and others. Even though I don’t drink or use intoxicants and I meditate daily, I still find myself losing it with my partner and so often it is in the days leading up to my period. AFTER, the fact, I am able to use the model and work my way through it but in the moment, when I flare up I feel so hurt and altered and justified. It literally feels like dark forces within me are taking over and running me. My partner and I deeply love each other but in some ways we have very different lifestyles, the last thing that tripped me up was that he was intoxicated at a party and I felt so disconnected from him. I should have just walked away instead I scolded him to no end. I truly believe that it isn’t the outer circumstances or the behaviors of other people that need to change, I know that feeling triggered is my chance to heal a deep place in myself and I so want to do this work. I feel embarrassment and shame, when I trip and lose my cool.
I know there is some self-discipline involved, and somehow recognizing when the pain body is a rising and walking away before the pain body can totally take over but walking away isn’t always an option.
When you go through the model in various coaching calls and videos, you always seems so healthy, sound and rational but when the pain body arises I am anything but healthy, sound and rational.
Do you have any advice on how to avoid entering this completely altered state of fury or what to do once I am in it…