Post-Separation


My husband and I are divorcing. He had an affair and then didn’t want to work on the relationship. I was in the “love your partner before your leave them” and “I can make myself happy” space. I wasn’t happy, but didn’t believe in ending the marriage. He did. Many things have happened that feel as if he is intentionally trying to hurt me. I do not trust him and think it is wise not to.

Most of my/our friends have remained my friends, with one exception of a couple who appears to be remaining friends with him and not me. I feel sad, hurt, and a little scared about this, as I do not feel safe around him or the people around him. There are a few couple friends of ours where the wife and I are still friends and I think the husband is remaining friends with him. I’m not crazy about all of this, but I’m settled with it.

Today, my daughter was going to camp with a friend of hers and the girls were with my husband this weekend so he dropped my older daughter off at this camp. My younger daughter said that they saw this friend’s mom (a friend of mine), that my husband’s new place is near their house, and that my husband and my friend exchanged numbers. This feels super uncomfortable to me. I do not like it. I do not want my friend and husband to hang out or be friends. It feels yucky and uncomfortable. I feel as if I don’t want to be friends with anyone who is talking with him. I’m overcome by this feeling. She is a friend, but not a best friend. My closest 5-6 friends do not talk with my ex-husband, but I like this friend and feel very uncomfortable with her befriending my husband. I don’t know what to do and feel my safety is unsteady.

If I try to make a model I get:

C: my daughter tells me husband and friend I thought was my friend exchanged numbers
T: I am not safe.
F: afraid
A: stay sitting there, but freak out in my head, ask myself what I should do: talk to friend, stop talking to friend, do nothing, sit with the discomfort; not mentally present with my daughter because I am in my head with emotions
R: I am not creating a good environment for myself in the moment?