I’ve been having guilty feelings about being away from my child for a (subjectively) long amount of time.
I worked out a thought download on the following circumstance:
C: During the weekdays, I spend 6 waking hours a day with my 2.5 year old child.
I asked myself — “What are my thoughts about that?”
Thought Download — I wish I could spend more time with her. The problem is that I think my introverted tendencies make it challenging for me to do so. I want time for me. I want time to focus on Scholars so that I can show up better. I want time to do chores in peace. I want time to shower and get dressed. I like having some peace and quiet without someone constantly demanding something from me. I like not having to clean up after someone. I like not having to deal with nap time and the resistance that goes with that. I like not being peed on and the resistance that goes with initiating going to the potty. **When I have time to myself, I am my best self, and I can be fully present and engaged with my daughter.** She’s less likely to have an accident when I am more alert and when there are other people around to help watch her. It takes a village. I don’t think I can parent by myself 24/7. And I trust her current daycare/school. They give me the peace of mind to be able to be away from her for hours. I know that they can provide activities and stimulation that I can’t provide at home 24/7. Perhaps once I get “caught up” or feel more centered with myself, I can be able to pick her up earlier during the day to go outside to play or to learn things together. A quote that I found that made me feel a little better, too, was “The most profound thing we can offer our children is our own healing.”
This was my massive un-edited thought download…
So, I’m not sure if I ended up mixing models in doing this massive thought download.
But the UM that I gleaned from this goes as follows:
C — During the weekdays, I spend 6 waking hours a day with my 2.5 year old child.
T — I wish I could spend more time with her, but I have all these things to do and need time to myself. I can’t be it all for her 24/7.
F — Guilty. (Maybe even incapable? — but I realize that I’m supposed to have just one feeling on this line.)
A — Perseverate over thoughts that make me feel guilty. Feel like a bad mom. I waste time over thinking these thoughts, and then, I don’t make time for my child or myself.
R — I don’t spend quality time with my child.
The IM that I came up with —
C — “ “
T — When I have time to myself, I am my best self, and I can be fully present and engaged with my daughter.
F — Feel at Peace.
A — I don’t perseverate over thoughts that I’m not spending enough time with my daughter. I focus on getting what I need to get done. I engage in self-care. I believe that what I am spending my time on is for the benefit of myself and my daughter.
R — I spend quality time (and sometimes more time) with my child.
** My model isn’t as clean as I would like it to be. Still learning here! Thank you for the feedback. **