Pre-christmas low mood & moving forward


Hello, for a number of reasons recently I’ve had a plunge in my mood. I’m trying to think it through & use my morning journaling & models to move forward with self care. I looked at different reasons for low mood (there are many) & picked 2 which I’ve put into separate models. I then created an intentional model which is the direction I want to go in. Might you be able to help me with ideas to believe in my intentional model more and how to build on that path?

I do want to stress that generally I’m not a depressive person, have good relationship with son & husband, and have managed to maintain weight loss for very long time. But through scholars I’ve really noticed my continuous tendency to think of myself as a failure, which feels stuck & at times leads to low mood & a sense of ‘collapse’

Unintentional model 1
C: Two days before Christmas – in London, family in another country
Lack of clarity about covid in the UK (and repercussions) [uncertainty]
Son’s relatively low school report last Friday
Spending hours on screen time / not reading and playing piano recently
Gained 2 kgs
Son had medical procedure last week
T: I’m failing as a mum
F: guilty
A: can lead to arguments with husband – snapping, accusing, circular conversations that don’t go anywhere
can lead at times to inaction when it comes to taking steps with son that are reasonable – can either lead to excessive ‘big decisions’ that won’t work or to inaction
can lead to neglect (inaction) towards son’s everyday activities, food, screen time & collapse
can lead to overwork as buffering
R: I limit my ability to parent my son and show up as the mum I want to be

Unintentional model 2
C: Two days before Christmas – in London, family in another country
Lack of clarity about covid in the UK (and repercussions) [uncertainty]
Son’s relatively low school report last Friday
Spending hours on screen time / not reading and playing piano recently
Gained 2 kgs
Son had medical procedure last week
T: I am overeating & putting on weight – I can’t believe I’m here again
F: shame
A: further buffer through food
mainly doom-scroll (on phone / news) twitter etc
lose confidence in my meal planning – even if I do it, don’t feel certain I will follow
confused decision making: what plan to follow? keep making changes
not walking
have small binges eg office cookies
don’t cook with pleasure, don’t have meals at table
R: putting on weight by overeating

Model on Intentional Thought
C: Two days before Christmas – in London, family in another country
Lack of clarity about covid in the UK (and repercussions) [uncertainty]
Son’s relatively low school report last Friday
Spending hours on screen time / not reading and playing piano recently
Gained 2 kgs
Son had medical procedure last week
T: I am curious how I can learn to spend each hour with intention, without beating myself up, without comparing, without always striving, living my life, making choices one at a time
F: interested
A: focus on one thing at a time – I feel that’s important
connect with those I love and with acquaintances I like: prioritise relationships
Laugher. Humour. Lightness.
Get help for parenting strategies (husband & I have ideas of where to look)
phone in other room!
Read news intentionally, half an hour a day is enough.
Safari & email off phone
talk to son about tutoring, goals, revision: show him our belief that he can do it but create structures that make it possible
Read. Cook. Play the piano. Walk. Do puzzles. Colouring if I want. Listen to music. Watch movies with family
R: choose what I do each hour. Accept the limits but also the immense possibilities of my choices. Being in the here & now without comparison