pre teen

I am working hard to remain neutral with my 11 year old son. He has started talking back a lot and I get annoyed and either scream at him or talk back to him. He really enjoys video games which is a trigger for me getting angry and frustrated. Our relationship has taken a turn for the worse, and much of our interaction has become unpleasant. The relationship is complicated by a complex care giving situation where I establish IV access weekly in him to infuse a medicine that he depends on for his health. I think part of his anger towards me is because I take him to all his doctors appointments, I administer his medications, I talk about his disorder.

I need help with my models surrounding him.

c: 11 year old boy with variable emotions, obsession with video games, history of medical trauma
t: all he does he talk rude to me, he mocks me, snaps at me, fights with me about the length of time he can spend on screen
f: angry, sad, frustrated
a: scream, talk back to him, don’t smile
r: the two of us distance ourselves further

c: 11 year old boy with variable emotions, obsession with video games, medical trauma
t: he is 11, he finds emotional release with video games, its a support system given his multiple medical issues, he is testing his freedom from me, he has other interests (school play, drums) and pursuits, he works hard at school
f: acceptance, calm
a: no screaming, emotionally available
r: closer relationship, he talks to me about his problems

The trouble is the unintentional model is always there – when he is being rude, it is hard to sit in the intentional model. advice and help would be appreciated!