Preference or manual?

During my 20 minute session, I started by saying I had given up having a manual for my daughter, and things are going well. The coach asked for an example and I shared how I had decided to stop asking for things like help in the kitchen. The coach then said I don’t have to give up stating my preferences. She said a preference is not a manual. I tried for the next 10 minutes to understand how it would help to “state my preference” to my daughter about how I would like help in the kitchen, when in my experience, that has been an issue. I’ve learned that if I want the kitchen clean, I need to clean it. So, why would the coach tell me to state my preference to my daughter? Still confused… In the coaching session, I was hoping to learn self-care strategies for the one who is cleaning the kitchen, lol! But, I spent the time wondering if I should be telling everyone what I WANT them to do!!!