Preparing for pain 3


I had an experience of having a potentially painful medical procedure last Friday. I had a lot of thoughts and feelings and wanted to avoid having extreme pain (the doctors told me this was a possibility, but I was totally fine and feel better now.)

I realized that I am doing a similar thing with my relationship. I have been with R for four years and we have two deal breakers around monogamy and wanting kids. I have been avoiding a break up because I don’t want to experience emotional pain. And I am causing myself emotional pain around my perceived issues with the relationship. Much of the following coaching also applies to the relationship:

Resistance is very often the knee-jerk reaction of the brain to pain. Case in point, your initial thought was that you shouldn’t have pain.

Arguing with the circumstance of pain only ends up turning up the volume on the pain.

To your point, you can end up making the pain about something it isn’t.

Pain truly can be a neutral circumstance when you empower yourself not to tense against it and remember to breathe and let it be.

I think this is a beautiful insight and I will try to apply it moving forward.

I feel like I have a strong instinct not to end this relationship. And like the emotional pain I feel around rejection, my perceptions of betrayal, and judgements I make about myself and him, as well as the emotional pain I anticipate when we break up is somewhat equivalent to physical pain. I get that I am creating this for myself, and it is possible to use my energy to create something else.