I’m new to SCS I have my first coaching call tonight. I’m really wanting it to be productive. I’m going through lots challenges right now. My husband and I are in intense marriage counseling currently, I say intense, we both go individually each week, as a couple weekly and 3 weeks ago we did a 3 week intensive weekend where we logged 30 hours with therapist. I have 4 boys 3 of 4 have diagnosed ADHD. 18, 16, 12 and 10 along with diagnosed anxiety and depression. My husband lost his job on March 13th and I am a stay at home mom. Our 18 year old is a senior who has been suicidal on and off for the last year who is also seeing a therapist weekly or biweekly as needed. I’m feeling like my life is on hold. I have so many dreams and aspirations. Our sons, like most of the world, are doing home school currently. I found out today…our 16 year olds (it’s his finals week) that he is failing 3 possibly 4 of his classes. When he was supposedly doing his online coursework he has been gaming. My husband and I disagree on how we should handle these issues. Our oldest son is supposed to leave for college in 3 mos. and we are very concerned about him being ready as far as his physical and mental health go. Interestingly-I am realizing I am now nervous about my husband actually getting a job because I will be the sole parent at home during most of our waking hours and I don’t feel up to the challenge of keeping them from fighting, being disrespectful, and following through and completing their responsibilities, school wise, work wise, chore wise while monitoring screen time and completing my very own responsibilities. I want to feel empowered to be able to be here alone with them and more than that, I want to ENJOY spending time with them. At the same time co parent and be on the same page as my husband. I want to be able to state boundaries, hold them and follow through with them. Currently, I can do this for a time, and after hours and hours and sometimes days of my 16 year old, talking, complaining, crying, belittling, justifying, screaming, raging I get worn down and I check out or cave in to requests. I start to run out of consequences for this behavior and then I resent myself or am disappointed with myself for caving in, my husband is frustrated that I have not followed through and my son learns that if he pushes hard enough and long enough he will get what he wants, and it also negatively effects him because I know that more than anything he NEEDS me to hold those boundaries. My other boys witness and are scared, frustrated by the energy expended and we all are effected by me not holding boundaries. The issue almost always is a matter of my son wanting more video gaming time. I am going back and forth between attacking the Play Station with a sledge hammer and saying have at it, I’m done being effected by trying to limit your time. And honestly, I think the best choice is somewhere in between. I’d love for him to learn how to monitor himself and manage getting his stuff done and being respectful to family members and being able to play some games. We have set up system after system after contract and somehow after years of this we are still at the same place.
My question-given all of the above how do I hone in on what I want to start receiving coaching on. And what specifically should I do to prepare for my session this evening? Side note-I also have diagnosed ADHD inattentive type as well as dealt with depression and anxiety.
Thank you for taking the time to read through those details!