Prison maintenance

I’ve been very successful in maintaining my weight for about 4 months now. But recently during a thought download I realized that I still can’t find peace around planning meals and following a protocol. I don’t feel the freedom that it is mentioned in the “Stop buffering”. I still feel tension when I have to plan because if I don’t plan I’m going to gain all the weight back, or if I don’t exercise I’m going to die of a heart attact. I feel like I’ve created a prison prison, which makes me rebel against it and “cheat” on my plan. What am I missing in here? Thank you so much!