Problems with thoughts about marriage and drinking,

Hi Brook,
I’ll try to make this short. Yesterday my drinking plan was not to drink at all. During the day at work it was very busy. A lot of multi-tasking and patience with students was required. I was so proud that I managed my thoughts very well and basically had a wonderful day. On the way home I had to stop at the grocery store to get a few items for dinner. I decided since I had a busy day I was going to treat myself to 2 glasses of wine (and no more). I didn’t feel like I was doing it to avoid any pain. I just felt like it. While making dinner (warming up tortilla’s in a pan) my husband surprisingly came home a little early. As we were all gathered in the kitchen with kids talking, my husband started monitoring the tortilla. He’s a fantastic cook and pretty much makes most of the dinners. I don’t mind this except when I’m making a special dinner following a recipe. So as I turned around while talking to my daughter I noticed he left and the tortilla was burning. I said “Jim the tortilla is burning”. And He said “You’re making it”. This followed into a bit of a minor unpleasant exchange and as I threw out the burnt tortilla I told him that he could finish. I then opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. He knows I started scholars to stop overdrinking and I normally tell him my drink plan. He didn’t know it tonight and didn’t know I already had two glasses of wine. I grabbed a beer to basically let him know in my weird way of thinking “no don’t blame this on my drinking”.

Later on before he left for the gym, I asked him if he could have just told me “Trish I can finish making the dinner, then there wouldn’t be a problem.” He said that I gave him a snide look and that if he offered to take over cooking he was afraid I would get mad and he didn’t like my tone. My thought was “those are your thoughts not mine” and I told him that because I wouldn’t get mad if he took over making dinner. I felt our discussion became more about me and the whole misunderstanding was my fault. I didn’t want to turn this into the “victim” as I’ve become aware of while studying myself and doing self coaching. Our marriage has been a bit rocky lately. I know you’re going to say it’s a thought. But both of us I’m sure have the same thought. We are very distant with each other both emotionally and physically. I’m wondering if I subconsciously drink to avoid the pain of knowing that we both need to either work harder on our marriage or the dreaded other choice. When I’m not drinking, I never bring up the problems with our marriage. It would be too awkward and I believe he would prefer not to talk period.
The good thing about all this is that he has started listening to your podcasts so I feel we are going in the right direction, I’m just right now feeling ashamed (about hiding my drinking).