Procastination, beating myself up, feeling crappy and buffering

I am not working in my business. It’s been so many weeks that I have not scheduled anything on my calendar. I just let the day happen to me without being deliberate about how I want to spend my time.

I feel crappy because I should be working and if I show up like this I won’t create the result I want. I feel like I am going backwards in my business because I am not getting the work done.

I feel like the reason for my procastination is that I have no desire for working. I just feel crappy when I am working.

I am coaching myself and trying to do something about this. But yeah I end up sleeping. I end up buffering with all other activities like YouTube.

I just feel bad because I keep being mean to myself because of my inability to get myself to work.

Here’s the cycle:
1) I want to work in my business
2) I don’t work in my business because I feel already tired, bored, sleepy and not interested. I don’t feel desire to work.
3) I do want to work in my business because I want to create the results I want.
4) it’s been days and weeks I have completely avoided working in business or I atleast try to take passive action.
5) I feel more crappy about myself because I am not making the money I want and then I am not showing up to make up for that results.
6) I am worried that if I show up like this I will go backwards in my career. That I made a huge mistake leaving my job especially when I am just starting in my career.
7) Yeah then I buffer with sleep, something more fun.
8) I beat myself up and say mean things to myself because I can’t get myself to work no matter how much coaching I have done myself.
9) I feel bad all the time and I don’t get anything done.

I just feel like if I stop beating myself up I will be complacent or somehow like that.

How do I stop beating myself up because it feels out of control? It just feels like a lot of crappy thoughts I have about myself and it’s so automatic.