protocol chatter questions sums up my mind too

Hi Brooke,
The protocol chatter question sums up my brain when it comes to food and exercise! Thank you whoever posted it!

I am fit, healthy, bottom of healthy weight range, yet I constantly think about food and exercise. I don’t eat sugar, flour or dairy (I didn’t eat these foods before SCS either) and eat a plant based diet. I tend to restrict, ban foods that I believe are not good for me, cause inflammation and lets be honest, will make me fat.

Basically – there is no crap in my diet and I exercise for at least 2 hours per day. I realise the exercise is too much. I fear reducing it.

You say:

“If your goal is to stop thinking about food (add here exercise too) all the time, then work on why you’re thinking about food (exercise) all the time.”

This is what comes up for me;

I have thought about these things for the last 15 years since I lost all the weight (17 kg).
I don’t know what life is like not thinking about food and exercise constantly
It feels like there has not been a waking moment in the last 15 years where this hasn’t been on my mind.
If I stop thinking about it I will get fat again (boom there it is).
I like my protocol and way of eating, if I stop exercising 2 hours per day I wont be able to eat the same way, I will miss out on my food (more gold)

This is so crazy – just like you said, you think you will lose the weight and not have ‘weight problems’ – I lost it over 15 years ago and still have weight problems, in my mind!

You say “What are you avoiding thinking about and feeling?”

This is harder…

I know what I am missing out on – time to create more in my work, time to rest, time to read, time to grow – am I avoiding growth? my potential? on purpose? by choosing to stay stuck in this mindset that I know does not serve me?

When it comes to choosing a new thoughts I also come up against resistance.

C: As a human being I am designed to eat food and move my body (diet and exercise) in order to survive and thrive
T: If I stop obsessing about this I will get fat
F: in danger
A: obsess, restrict, over train, over snack, rinse, repeat

Now comes the issue – this way of thinking keeps me lean, fit, outwardly ‘successful’ but inwardly ‘suffering’.
I want to let the chatter and obsessing go. What keeps me back from doing the work is the fear I will lose control and gain weight.

C: As a human being I am designed to eat food and move my body (diet and exercise) in order to survive and thrive
T: I feel stupid but I have no idea what I could think other than I need to control this…don’t we all need to control it?!
F: healthy and energized
A: honor my body
R: long, lean, fit, healthy, energized, FREE of this f****d up chatter in my mind…

My brain can not comprehend the idea of changing the thoughts that are so deeply ingrained.