Protocol/Disliking myself

When I don’t follow my protocol, it seems like me not following through with what I said I would. It doesn’t seem like the model of failing forward. Failing forward is trying, failing, and then trying again.  I didn’t try, and then fail. I just didn’t do it.

Now I am sitting here really pissed at myself. I feel like I am dishonoring myself.  That I can go 5 days all in, fall off 3 days. Go another 3 days all in, fall off again.  AND I am more upset because I want to create video content,  but I want my face to look slimmer.

Right now, I don’t like how round my face is in video.  I hate that I feel this way. I want to like myself.
And I dislike that people tell me, so what you gained weight, do the video anyway. Be an example, blah blah.