Public speaking / anxiety

Hello coaches. I have had a problem in the last years with getting heart palpitations in public speaking. I have progressed with my career and manage to do public speaking despite my anxiety. I take medication too before these events and usually it helps. Yesterday I had to present something at an important (Zoom) conference.

I took the medication, however about 10 minutes before I was about to speak, and while the previous speaker was talking, I had very intense palpitations. It was a horrible experience, I held myself together as best I could and in the end managed to somehow calm myself down enough so that I did my presentation & no one knew what had happened to me (I was reassured by a friend who was there that I looked ‘cool as a cucumber’!) But it took real effort & inside it felt really awful.

There are various reasons this happens to me – which I won’t go into.

Here are the models today. I want some ideas about the intentional model. What to work towards. I have an even bigger public speaking event coming up in June which I want to properly enjoy & not go through this awful experience again.

Unintentional model (in the moment it happened)
C- Palpitations during event
T- I’ll collapse in front of all these senior people in my profession – they’ll see me not managing.
F – Trapped, helpless
A – Considered leaving event/turning camera off
– Escalating thoughts & feelings around being trapped & watched
– Took deep breaths, managed to do this somehow and covered up anxiety, but didn’t enjoy it at all
‘spilled out’ afterwards at end of event
– Described experience to a person who I don’t know well
– Compared myself to other speakers
– Confused myself with worrying, scattered thoughts about ‘what I should do’ – don’t know where to start
R – I collapse internally, don’t enjoy & make use of event

Intentional model
C- Palpitations during event
T – ?
F – ?
A – ?
R – I take care of myself and manage the situation well