Punishing self

I want to stop feeling shame about a relationship that I was in 30 years ago as a young teenager with a 30-year-old man.

My parents found out and I felt like my whole life that they blamed me for it. I know now as an adult it was so wrong of him to do what he did and he probably should have went to jail.

My parents have told me in the past year that they did not blame me for what happen there’s a part of me that thinks that they do in a small way. It is confusing to look at the past and to make a conclusion in a young mind that it was a real romantic relationship in my eyes but know now I was taken advantage of.

I want to forgive myself and leave it in the past. I have had counselling on this but want a different thought or different story. I find proof in my life that I am bad because I procrastinate, I don’t follow through, I have clutter, I don’t take care of things.