Purpose & Dream House Plans

At first I thought this thought work I’ve been doing around our family’s plans for a new house was a detour from this topic of purpose – but then I started to dig deeper and I don’t think so. I think it’s very related.

Here is part of my thought download:
I’m afraid that if I say what I really want with the house, I”ll be told no.
I’ll be laughed at.
I’ll be told I’m not being realistic.

This is supposed to be my dream home,
but it’s starting to feel like “meh” –
everyone else’s home,
a realistic house,
based on my past and other people’s stories.

this is a first world problem
this is superficial of me to be upset about
i should be grateful

but I think it’s related …

I want this house to be an example of what I can create,
I want this house to be truly my own–

This house feels tied to me being the woman I am committed to becoming…

I feel like I am still waiting for permission (from the builder? my husband? the Universe) that I can really have what I REALLY want…and I don’t have to settle.

Rather than what I know I should be doing is committing to it, working for it, expecting it.

C: house plans
T: I’m disappointed with what the builder has come back with,
I am going to have to settle,
I wanted this to be our dream house,
I’m afraid now to ask for what I really want,
I’m afraid I will be told they can’t build that,
I’m afraid I will be told we can’t afford that,
I’m afraid “somebody” (I’m not even sure who- my husband? the builders? friends? neighbors?) is going to say, “who do you think you are?!”
F: disappointed, stuck
A: I’ve already communicated what I REALLY want and now that these plans don’t reflect that, I hesitate in asking again, I starting thinking, “this isn’t going to happen,” “this isn’t going to be my dream house, it’s looking like everyone else’s house”
R: I settle, I don’t get what I really want, I get what most other people would want/have.

C: house plans
T: I know exactly what I want. I will communicate exactly what I want.
F: clear…and still a little afraid.
A: get back to work on the design, put together another portfolio with very specific pictures and descriptions
R: get the plans for my dream home

C: house plans
T: I am very clear on exactly what I want…and I will communicate that.
F: clear…still afraid
A: same…
R: I will have clear house plans…but still uncertainty on getting it built!

Do you see places in these models I am missing and can improve? Thank you, Brooke!