Purpose and why I go off protocol

As I was doing my thought download for my purpose my brain does struggle with wanting to do something BIG and meaningful but after listening to you for a while…I know that is a set up. I know logically that I am a beautifully talented woman who can do anything she sets her mind to because I have lots of evidence but when I hear you say we are all inherently complete and magnificent just as we are….its like you are speaking Japanese. I no understand what you are saying. After I accomplish one big hurdle I am always trying for the next and judging the last as not that great…if I did it anyone can type thoughts. I am embarrassed to admit this because I actually have a hard time talking to people that think like I just wrote….so deciding on my purpose is a little challenging….obviously 🙂

So this is what I got…I want to live with intension not by default. I want to be an example of loving what is, seeing the beauty in others and sharing that love and acceptance. I want to be more present in the now not always trying to fix something for a better future.
You have taught me so much about our brain and how it works…the transformation I have personally experienced listening to your podcasts and doing the work has forever changed who I am. I would like to take my interpretation of this knowledge and take to the world or at least those around me.

For a long time I decided that my purpose was to raise my children…I have 5 from 19-24 (blended family) and God has now asked me to foster another young man whose mother is struggling with drugs and not able to care for him at this time. I believe that is a meaningful purpose but I want to do more. I inherently know I was created to do more. Both of my parents are gone now…my mother died from complication of alcoholism 16 years ago…I am living my life with the end in mind. I mean I know that day will come and I just do not want to leave this earth with regrets. I glimpse that even small acts of love are really huge in the scheme of things but my ego mind is strong and wants me to go back into the cave and hide.

I also want to make $200,000 this year and weigh 122 lbs again and dial in the new house I just built. Then…my brain goes…hold on sister..holy shit how will you do all that!
So is this the way my purpose works –  as I do my business ( which is originating mortgages) and eat my protocol and when my brain betrays me and it will…do a thought download and recognize what thought is making me feel defeated..work models, ask you questions…and transform? 🙂

Side note…
I am on my old FA protocol but I feel more hungry than before. I didn’t eat off protocol yesterday but I did the day before. You said I would learn about why I am overeating when I feel uncomfortable and don’t go off protocol or overeat. When I do go off or over eat how exactly do I learn… by thought download?

For example – yesterday I planned my meals….middle of the day my son asked me to cut up a watermelon we had…I wont let him do it because he is too messy….LOL and I ended up eating some watermelon- not on protocol. I didn’t like binge but still wasn’t on protocol.
Then my other son went to the fair and brought me home a cookie and I ate it because he is my foster son and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings…what does that mean?

Appreciate you!!