Purpose perpetuating people pleasing?


Hi Coaches,
First, thank you all for the work you do! Being here in Scholars with motivated and knowledgable people is such an awesome experience. I ‘m so thankful for this space!
I’ve been working on the, “How to Live Your Purpose,” workbook. I came up with the purpose statement, “My purpose is to be a connector.” Meaning, I want to not just communicate with others and with myself, but to really deeply connect, to add value to my life and other’s lives (I could go on and on about what this means to me and I have done so many thought downloads on the actions I could take to accomplish connecting to myself and others). But, I’m afraid this purpose is flawed. I discovered during a private coaching session that having this purpose statement means that I am allowing other’s reactions and behavior to determine how I evaluate my success at fulfilling my purpose. I’m aware that I could show up in all the ways I think lead to a rich relationship, a deep connection, but the other person may not feel the same and may not feel a connection… thus, there really is no connection because connecting with others takes two and is dependent on not just myself but on another person. So, I’m assuming this purpose is flawed. The results would be too dependent on other people who I ultimately can’t control. Would keeping this purpose leave me always at the effect of other people I’m trying to connect with?

C: My purpose statement was dependent on others
T: This sucks. I was proud of it and it got shot down.
F: Disappointed, apathetic
A: Spend time thinking about other stuff. Give up on purpose work.
R: No purpose found. Operate in busyness mode like I was doing before I searched for my purpose. Feel unfulfilled.

C: My purpose statement was dependent on others.
T: I need to do more work on finding my purpose statement. I haven’t uncovered it yet and that’s ok. My statement was setting me up for failure and its a good thing that I caught it now before I got more invested.
F: Thankful
A: Keep searching myself. Refine the statement I had to be more achievable or less dependent on others. Focus on connecting with myself before I find a purpose statement that fits.
R: Sit with discomfort of not knowing my purpose. In turn, know myself better. Now I’m not distracted by a purpose that was going to base my success on other people’s reactions. Now I can search for a purpose statement that won’t perpetuate my people pleasing problems.