Putting worries about another person in the T line?


Hi! I’m new to Scholars (although I’ve listened to the podcast for several years), and I’m doing the training on “How to Feel Better” and filling out my first models.

One of my biggest issues is my fears/worries about my adult son, who has had major depression and suicidal thoughts during the pandemic (C). Even though he is now doing somewhat better, I’m still struggling. I have thoughts like “He won’t be able to recover and find a good way forward” and “He just needs to change his thoughts and overcome self-hatred” (T). My feelings are fear, sadness, hopelessness, helplessness and anger (F). My actions are ruminating, worrying, crying, trying to offer advice, doing less work, and doing fewer enjoyable things (A). The results are less productivity in my work, less enjoyment of my life, and also dragging down my husband who is now worried about both my son and me … (R)

My question is: These results do not prove the original thought of “He won’t be able to find a good way forward,” because that is about him, not about me. (I did a separate model about whether we have been helping him too much and thus holding him back from recovering on his independent initiative, and that one DOES work.)

Clearly I am too caught up in the problems of an adult person, and I’m also exaggerating my fears by thinking he won’t find a way out. But I’m not sure I’m fitting this into the model correctly, and so perhaps I’m missing a good way to get a handle on this problem I’m having in managing my fears and worries about my son. Of course I do choose to have some fear and worry, but what I am experiencing is excessive and not helpful.

Thank you for any insight and guidance!