Question about buffering when the buffering is gone


I checked my “screen time” app and realized I was buffering with internet content, digital courses and social media like crazy, so I took my phone and tablet and put them away in my closet except to make phone calls if necessary. I noticed my thought downloads got really nasty. I have so many nasty thoughts about my family, about myself, about money when I’m not buffering. When I’m using the content, they’re much less negative. I tell myself I’m learning and then I feel productive. (as long as it’s a course and not facebook, then I beat myself up)Am I anesthetizing my thoughts when I’m buffering with my phone and tablet? A normal day with all the content and scrolling, I’m only slightly negative in my downloads. But I was just laying in my room crying. Apparently I can’t handle my family or thoughts about money? Part of me wants to go back and buffer to take the edge off. I didn’t realize I could get so numb taking courses. I don’t drink or overeat anymore. But I guess I’ve found a new way to deal with the horrorshow in my head. I feel like a complete mess that’s borderline functional now. I had no idea. Is it normal for the thought downloads to get so awful when you take away your cushions? Now what? I’m frightened by my thoughts right now.