question on podcast 2

Thank you for clarifying question number 4 in the workbook. So my answer to, “As a human being that has both positive and negative emotions, what do you think about the idea that the good balance is half and half without any buffering or false pleasure?” was immediately “It scares me because I’m not really sure what to do with the empty space beside allowing the negative feelings. Because drinking is such a long ingrained habit that takes up a chunk of my evening, what will I eventually be doing with that time? I think sometimes one of the reasons I drink is out of loneliness coupled with the fact that I am a “doer” meaning I always have to be doing something. I find when there is nothing for me to actually be “doing” I fall into loneliness and depression and my mind runs with so many negative thoughts like “I have no life”. I do not work anymore and I don’t want to work anymore. But my life feels empty. Many people at my age are starting to learn and play group games like mahjong or canasta. I find myself forcing myself to do activities that I don’t like because I am fearful of the isolation. I am not an extrovert and it feels so hard to socialize with the couple of friends I do have. So that’s just an example of who I am and why it is so scary to have “time” on my hands without doing or buffering. Any thoughts?