Circumstance is that a friend told me that someone I considered a very close friend and mentor said some mean things about me. Because I was confused about why there was tension the same mutual friend explained her assessment to me, which was that that my mentor felt I was competing with her and it became a source of frustration. I never intended to compete. I looked to my mentor for validation and support, but never I wanted to compete with her. I am, by nature, competitive and I was starting a business and needed a lot of reassurance from my mentor. Probably too much reassurance, in hindsight.

My mentor’s feelings about me presumably led her pushing me away, talking about me to others in our loose circle of friends who ride bicycles together, even accidentally getting caught talking about me to another friend while I overheard the conversation on an Apple watch. Meanwhile, I had no idea what was happening, other than that I sensed the tension, was very worried about it all summer, tried to ask her about it, but she wouldn’t discuss it. She stopped hanging with me, and started hanging out more with another person in our cycling group. I became jealous, felt excluded and hurt and tried to control that circumstance by asking why I wasn’t invited, etc. My mentor and I, plus 2 other people, had a big trip planned, my mentor said she would not go on the trip if I went. I found out later that she also had told everyone going that she couldn’t sleep in a tent with me. All of this seems wrong on her part. I am trying to see it as neutral. It’s been months, I am still processing what I see as the end of a relationship. She said she was willing to see me in groups, but not talk alone and see each other alone. This, too, seems bizarre. I said I didn’t understand that limitation and really didn’t see the value in that arrangement-for me personally. She still won’t say why she is acting like this. When I think about the manual, is it ever appropriate to have expectations that people behave any certain way? I expect communication, honesty, etc. I expect close friends to be in my corner, but is that even ok?

C-friendship changed

T- I’ve been rejected-big time- by someone I cared for deeply and valued immensly

Feeling- very sad

A- I’ve told her I don’t want a to see her in a group, I won’t avoid it, but I am seeking out other relationships/people to bike and run with and that feels better than staying in the circumstances where there is this tension I don’t understand.

R- We have no relationship now. My unmanaged mind just said this behavior doesn’t fit my manual of how people treat each other. So, I basically said we either talk about this, or we can’t be friends.

How do I quit being so sad about this, and what behavior on my part is ok? My therapist says that my mentor is a terrible person and that she created a false narrative and has behaved horribly. I feel like maybe that’s too simplistic and want to know how to process this.