Questioning Intention


Thank you in advance for your help

I am a clinician, and I work in a hospital setting, so I work all sorts of shifts. I am getting ready to leave my current hospital and change jobs, but I will continue to work at this hospital perdiem. I work with a group of 6 ladies, and since there aren’t a lot of us, we interact frequently. One of the ladies, I will call her Pat has taken on the responsibility of being our social director, which is great. Each year we have our own little holiday get together. This year we decided to have the get together in January to avoid conflicts. I had spoken to Pat about a month ago and expressed my enthusiasm for getting together with everyone before I leave and offered to share my work schedule for planning purposes.
About a week ago I got the invite in my email and saw that she planned the party for the very last night that I am scheduled to work. The party is set to start at 4 pm and my shift starts at 6 pm. The venue for the party is on the other side of the city from both my house and our hospital.
I was really hurt when I saw this. All kinds of thoughts went through my head like, she did this on purpose, she doesn’t want me to come, she excluded me b/c she doesn’t like me/ or is taking my departure personally and just simply that this was really unkind and small-hearted. I have done several models in my head and this is the one I want to settle on and I want to show up with grace and kindness regardless of her actions and choices, but I still feel hurt. I should add that when I RSVP’d that I wasn’t going to be able to attend b/c I am working that night, she responded a week later saying that she intentionally planned the party at that time so I could come for before work. I kindly explained how logistically that would not work for me bc I have a dog that I would be leaving for over 15 hours which I won’t do. And even thought I am proud of the way I showed up and responded which I think was kind, I still feel angy and hurt. I also question whether I am being passive by not telling her that I am hurt and that I think her choices were unkind.
She is allowed to act and be exactly who she is, and I have chosen not to be confrontational bc that would not serve me. I get this all intellectually but I just can’t kick the feeling of being hurt. How can I adjust my model and thought to serve me?

C: Holiday party on the night I am working
T: Pat did this intentionally to exclude me and didn’t extend me the courtesy of letting me know that perhaps there was not another time/date that would work for the majority. She simply doesn’t care if she hurts my feelings .
F: Hurt and angry
A: Avoid confronting her or telling her what I think bc I may have to work with her again in the future. Be distant with her.

Alternative Model:

C: Party
T: Pat did what she thought was right and she is allowed to make whatever choice she likes.
F: Marginally accepting, but still hurt
A: Explain to her that the logistics wouldn’t work for me to come before work and wish her a good time.

Thank you