The phrase we all agreed on in the English language “he cheated on me” got me questioning it after being a scholars for a while.
Its whole meaning to me was that he did something TO me, he betrayed me, he humiliated me, he hurt me, while I now know that none of that is true.
He simply had a model that started with a Thought ‘I’m gonna get me some sex with this another woman’ and that thought created Desire for him, and he did not have the tool (or the will) to pause and question this thought, so his Action was to have sex with another woman, and me knowing about it is basically a whole new model for both of us.
The work here really made me realize that his being unfaithful (if we agreed to stay faithful) was caused by an over-desire that he acted on and had nothing to do with hurting me. I am sure he did not go looking for sex with another woman starting with the thought ‘I’m gonna hurt my wife so bad I will have sex with another woman.’
If anything, he hoped all along that his wife will NOT find out that he was unable to pause at his model.